12.06.2011

lens issures.



Today, I cried. And it's been a really long time since I cried (and for me, that really means like two weeks). I've been so overwhelmed with some of the decisions and things that are happening in my life, and I feel like I haven't been cut out to take it all on. I think I'm just burned out. This semester has been so much harder than any before and much more time consuming. I expect a lot from myself, too, so that's been a whole other player in this stress game. So, in a random tangent, I've got a few things I want to say.

For the h8ers: I know the Internet is a dangerous place, but I just have to refute some of the things that I've been hearing lately. I love blogs and I love my blog. I love a lot of things about the Internet. I find more inspiration and more good things from this place than most others. I have found so many wonderful things from this place that I wouldn't have seen otherwise if it weren't for the web. And I've gotten to know a lot of really wonderful people from this blogging world as well. Not that my voice in the blogging world is anything substantial or of more importance than another, but I feel like I have found a community here full of people that are so supportive and positive and very unlike any other group of peoples I've encountered. I love what the blogging world is and I love what it's becoming. And I love my blog. I think I am good at this kind of stuff. I know there is no replacement to the real world, but this blog, however insignificant or "dumb", is a part of my life and I am proud of it.

I also am going to start doing whatever the crap I want to do. My sister just got a cello after years of lusting for one. It is so thrilling to see her get so passionate about something like this. And after I played it too, I thought, what are those things that I want to do that I'm just not doing? There's a LIST. And that's just STUPID. I should be DOING THEM. SO I'M GOING TO, ALRIGHT?! I'm going to play violin and I'm going to take some more dance classes. I'm going to make a movie and I'm going to live in New York. I'm going to make a magazine and I'm going to play in a band. I'm going to paint a mural and I'm going to build a treehouse. I'm going to buy a motorcycle and I'm going to learn to surf. I'm going to do it. And I'm going to do it all.

P.S. Today's temperatures were so cold that today's tears turned to slush on the way down my face.

9 comments:

Brissa said...

ho.ly.crap.
i really liked the whole post, especially the h8rs part because it's true and you don't really get this "world/community/whatever we are" unless you're a part of it and you've felt that friendship.
but really, that p.s. is probably my favorite line. ever. the image it put in my brain was nothing short of magical.
i like you anna james.
i like how you have a "deepship" label and that picture of your face.
you're great.
really.

Brissa said...

sidenote: sorry i have an awkward tendency of declaring my love for you. i should really stop.

Monica H. said...

ah. i don't think there could be so much love directed towards one person as there is me for you, miss anna james. you're so YOU. I love that so much. I just, love you. That is all.

katrina said...

Lindsey got a cello?
That is so great.

Do all those things.

kelli case anderson said...

i love everything about this post. i love it. i love the ps. i love that you are living your life. often i live vicariously through you. but that's CRAP. i'm going to live my dreams today.

ps. i cry a lot too. just ask jared.

Ayley said...

anna.
you are awesome.
this is awesome.
and i bet it felt cooler than cool to declare.
you're GOING to be big someday.
i'm 100% positive of this.

Amanda said...

stop h8'n
start sk8'n
i say!

Danielle said...

You do every single one of those things. Come visit me and we'll learn how to surf together, c'mon you know it'll be so fun. You are an inspiration Anna... I love you.

Levi and Allison said...

You're an inspirational person, Anna. I hope you know that.