So I went to Fictionist, again (#6), last week. This time, it was a house concert, which equals much more awesomeness and 30 people, and all (relatively) sober. One really can't compare a twilight series concert to a house concert. Mostly because there were 30 people there, not 40,000. And while the twilight concert series in infamous for the fact that is free, this show was free as well. NICE TRY BUDDY BOY.
And the fact that there were only 30 people consequently meant that I was in the front, two feet away from the mic. That spells awkward eye contact, but that also spells, a means of conversations to be held after the show, right? I mean, you're practically staring at me for two hours, I feel like we've broken the ice now, RIGHT?
But 30 people--SERIOUSLY. Do you get it?
The best part: I got enough guts to talk to the guys.
I’ve always been embarrassed of myself when I get overly obsessed with things, especially seemingly intangible things (there's a list of people that I could put here, but I'll spare yourself and myself the embarrassment). I think it’s sort of a given that when one puts themselves out there and especially concerning something so personal and intimate as music, it’s fairly easy to get caught up in the hype. And start thinking you know them, that they are your friends, you guys would get along great. So where do you draw the line?
So when I got to meet these guys, I was so conscious of what I was doing because I was paranoid about creeping them out. I felt uncomfortable calling them by their first names, let alone nick names, but I still did it. And you know why? Because they are the most gentlemanly & courteous guys. I don’t know what I was expecting, but when three of the members harassed me when I was buying a shirt, I felt like they were old friends. And all my weird eye contact with them before was them acknowledging me and understanding that I…was there. And I support them. And I can be their friend? Hmmmm.
But Stu—I mean Stuart. I talked to the guy for 20 minutes. With commentary that included “Ah, yeah! I’m trying to learn bass. And the tempo thing is throwing me off too!”
“You play bass?”
“Well, trying to. Thinking about. Love the idea of it and picked it up last night and plunked around.”
“It’s a little red one, huh.”
“Well…it’s maroon, yeah.”
“And it’s too big for you.”
“So I just got this, and you should get one like this. It’s kind of a little girl bass.”
“Hey, I’m not a little girl.”
“Yeah you are.”
“Yeah I am.”
He was so REAL. And GENUINE. I just felt so…INSPIRED. That word is thrown around a lot, but I really just felt like because he & his music is super influential to me, I naturally would end up really looking up to the guy. I woke up the next morning still feeling inspired. And that whole feeling of inspiration has such a short longevity with me that I’m still shocked by how effective and believable he was. The whole conversation I had with him was so real. And here’s the tricky part—I felt equal. I wasn’t bashful, or awkward, or giggly—I was real, too. I was 100% who I wanted to be during that conversation. I was the coolest person that I know! And THAT feeling is one that I hardly ever know.
Crappy picture, and I'm determined to get a better one, but here's Robbie, Lauren, myself, and Stuart.
This post isn't another shrine to Fictionist--okay, maybe it is. But I promise, there's more to it.
I was talking to a co-worker at work, who I also happen to think very highly of, who plainly told me for about 45 minutes that if I'm not sharing my talents, I'm being selfish. That stung. And it's still lingering.
So what happens next?
I'm not certain, but I know that I need to stop being a baby for starters. I, among most humans, am deathly afraid of rejection. I've expressed it before. But how am I going to become anything better than what I am today, if I'm not even willing to participate purely because of fear? (insert that one quote from A Cinderella Story--you know, THE ONE.)
So I'm doing it. I'm going to be brave, and be something for myself, and maybe for someone else along the way. It will start elementary, but at least I'm doing it. Expect something in the near future. And if nothing happens, smack talk me and give me enough grief until I do.